Kevin's Blog

90 后、随笔、感悟

Year-end Summary (2023)

Previous year-end summaries were often lost due to computer system reinstallation or lack of backup during data organization. Even without these reasons, the confessions in the year-end summaries would not have any substantial impact on the new year. Whether it is formalism or the so-called sense of ritual, writing a year-end summary at this time of year seems to have become a major event at the end of the year.

Looking back on this year, it seems that there has been no progress compared to last year. Instead, I gave up my job for exam preparation, and it can be said that it was a year without any gains. Fortunately, after experiencing various difficulties during the exam preparation process, I have come closer and closer to self-acceptance on the path of self-healing. I also increasingly believe that pursuing so-called career success is nothing more than an expansion of desire, and the price paid will inevitably be the sacrifice of physical health. Therefore, what I now yearn for is a spirit of non-contention and contentment with whatever comes.

Apart from the exam preparation process, there seems to be nothing to write about in this year's summary. The main time was spent on exam preparation. I have already written a separate reflection on the exam preparation process, so I won't include it in the summary.


Apart from exam preparation, the main thing left is about sports. I have always had strict requirements for my own physique, especially in the past two years, I have increased the frequency of exercise. Due to exam preparation, the frequency and intensity of exercise will inevitably decrease. By September, I could no longer go to the gym for a 30-minute jog and a 20-minute core workout as planned. This directly led to the visible growth of fat in my abdomen and inevitable weight gain. The once prominent six-pack abs now only have faint contours.

Financial Aspect#

The economic base determines the superstructure, and financial issues have also been a problem I have been trying to overcome in the past two years. I have been deeply brainwashed by the trap of consumerism, always choosing products with high brand premiums when shopping, pursuing the so-called brand effect, and deeply believing that using so-called famous brands can make me part of the contemporary petite bourgeoisie circle. These behaviors are mainly reflected in shopping. I don't buy cheap things, and I don't buy things without famous brands. I used to despise those who use Pinduoduo, and I couldn't understand why they would join the "haggle" army just to save money, wasting time and annoying people. Now, I apologize to those people I used to despise who use Pinduoduo. In addition, I always buy some digital products that cannot generate actual value. These useless expenses occupy a significant portion of my financial expenditure. Another manifestation of falling into the trap of capitalism is that I always consume Starbucks coffee and other brands in the past two years. But in fact, I don't really need it. Whether I drink it or not makes no difference. It is mainly a psychological belief that contemporary petite bourgeoisie should drink a cup of coffee every day and a glass of whiskey to fit their identity.

Cognitive Improvement#

The above are the problems I have, but of course, I have also made progress. This mainly reflects improvements in two aspects: cognition and psychological level. Perhaps because I slowly began to accept my mediocrity or perhaps really as others have said, after experiencing the blows of society, my arrogance has disappeared, and I no longer attach importance to my shortcomings in various aspects. Height, appearance, wealth, and education, these uncontrollable aspects are slowly fading away, and I am starting to pursue things that are more tangible and controllable.

Grandmother's Departure#

My grandmother, who is nearly 95 years old, passed away suddenly one day in March. Perhaps because she was really too old, her sudden departure seemed to be a relief for her, without any suffering.


Although people are ordinary, they still need ideals. Ideals are like lighthouses guiding the journey of life. It is because of ideals that the journey of life will not get lost. If I have to attach a physical form to my ideals, the most recent thing I can think of is to escape from the city and return to my hometown county before the age of 35, find a remote job, and be able to live in a small county with a salary comparable to that of a first or second-tier city. Ideals are long-term guiding goals, even if they cannot be achieved, one should strive to get closer to them.


For this, I also want to set some goals for myself in 2024!

  • I hope to maintain the habit of exercise while finding a relatively good job, and lose all the weight gained this year.

  • Stick to one year of English learning, not rushing for quick results, steadily learn for a year, and see my own level.

  • Consider buying a house in the county in the second half of this year.

  • Improve financial situation.

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